Little Smirk
by Holly Jolly Rape
Summary: HidaDei, KakuHida, suggested SasoDei. Drag!Hidan and Drag!Deidara. What more can I say? There's lots of... puns. XD


**A/N: **So yeah, this is my new thing. XD I hope you guys like the idea of HidaDei, 'cause I love this pairing for some reason. WARNING: swearing aaand bad Pokemon puns. XD

**Disclaimer: **I do (-just breathed in air like a crackhead for no reason-) _not_ own Deidara or Hidan, but if I did, you would never, _ever_ see them for they would be chained to some headboards in my basement… naked. XD –cracks her whip-

--

"Un, Hidan, you paint nails like a dog," Deidara took the nailbrush from Hidan's fingers, "Zetsu could do better with his eyelashes, un."

"Does Zetsu even _have_ eyelashes?" Hidan asked, looking at his purple painted hands.

"Not sure, why not go _check?_ Un," Deidara said bitterly, wiping the nail polish off his toes the best he could. Hidan had gotten it all over his toes. It was like he was blind and just didn't know where the nail is, "My god, Hidan, it was like you got everything _except_ my nails, un…"

"_Excuse me;_ I make Kakuzu do my nails… I was never good at them anyway, only for my…" it took him a second to figure out which way was which, "_left_ hand."

"And those suck too…" Deidara smirked at that, seeing how thinly-coated the nails were really painted. He glanced back down at his nails, reaching for the nailbrush from the polish bottle and started to paint them with ease.

Hidan scowled, "Fuck you, you know that?" he snapped, getting off the bed in a rush, leaving the room.

"See you later too, Hidan, un," Deidara said with a chuckle.

Hidan made his way to the kitchen, nails unpolished on the toes and a light blush on his cheeks, not natural, actual makeup. You'd never expect the little blonde bomber to have actual _makeup,_ you expected S-rank criminals to be brutal, not beautiful.

Kakuzu glanced up from his work to see Hidan, furiously make his way to the refrigerator across the room. Hidan looked back with a growl and then a playful smirk, "Is that money in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" he laughed once, then went back to filing through the things in the fridge.

Kakuzu sighed, "I hate your money puns," he said, looking back down at the thick pile of papers that he was scribbling down on, on certain lines.

"What're you filling out?" he asked, disregarding the small insult that Kakuzu was sending him as he saw it out of the corner of his eye: Hidan's favorite shoes next to the chair, with a label on them that said "Deidara's" in Kakuzu's very curly and professional cursive handwriting.

"Some bills, nothing else," he said, putting that finished paper on a stack not as tall as the one he was working on.

"…Hm, whatever," he found nothing in the fridge, so he closed the door and searched through the cupboards, only finding some dried cans of beef-jerky and cereal boxes, nothing he was really looking for. The barefooted ninja closed the cupboard with a loud _bam_ and he walked over to Kakuzu, holding his shoulder as he stepped into his shoes, sliding the not off of them; they were a beautiful silver that matched his hair, and went well with his eyes. They had a small heel, about two and a half inches, and he had gotten them off of one of Kakuzu's bounties, which was his favorite one, sadly enough for Kakuzu, that was 2 years ago.

"What are _you_ doing with blush on?" Kakuzu asked, sliding some of the finished papers into a folder, setting it aside, then glancing back.

"Is there anything _wrong_ with blush, Kuzu?" he clicked his heel twice, seeing if they still fit, which they did, and then he leaned over, whispering in the old man's ear while having a hand on his opposing shoulder and fingering his dark lips, "It gives me the _perfect…look…perfect _satisfaction for you,_ don't you think?_" he stood up again when Kakuzu's shoulders all of a sudden went ridged, "Anyway, it goes well with my skin tone…" He clicked his heel again, testing them out; he hadn't worn them in a while.

"_Stop that,_" Itachi had walked into the room. His hearing was better than his eyesight— that was for sure.

Hidan clicked it harder and repeatedly on the floor, just to bug the blind one. Next thing he knew he didn't have his heels anymore—he didn't have his _feet_ anymore. He snapped at Itachi as he carried them away. There were two thuds, and then shifting, in the dark hallway, and then Deidara came out in the heels, clicking his way in front of Hidan with that same smirk he had given Kakuzu before.

"_Hey! _Get out of my shoes, you whore!" Hidan tried to grab his legs, only to be kicked in the face by his own heels.

"Not your shoes anymore," Deidara tilted his head; "If you want them back you can _totally_ earn them back… somehow…" he had the two feet, from ankle down, in his arms. He dropped them in Hidan's lap and said, "Have fun trying to figure it out… Oh, by the way—you left _your_ shoes in my room."

Hidan gritted his teeth, and then watched as his heels lightly clicked themselves away on Deidara's feet. He looked down at his feet, sighing, "Kakuzu, could you help me for a second?"

--

Deidara giggled in his room, looking at the shoes, sitting on the floor, a clay bomb resting on top of them as if it were dead, "Revenge for all those insults you gave me, un! _Katsu!_"

All of a sudden the shoes were gone. Bits and pieces were scattered around, which just made Deidara giggle harder.

Hidan's ears perked, Kakuzu helping him with his feet, "Kakuzu, hurry the _hell up!_" he snapped.

"I'm going as fast as I can, don't yell at me," he growled, the stitches finally being finished, he set his leg back down, it only to be ripped back up as Hidan stood up and ran toward the hallway, stumbling with his dead limbs.

Kakuzu didn't even get a 'thanks' out of the deal. Maybe he'd get it later, if he was lucky. He heard a squeal, then silence.

"My _shoes!_ _Why_, the _shoes?!_"

Kakuzu arched an eyebrow, glancing into the hallway. Yes, he had work to do, but it seemed that he was going to have more coming if he found an angry Hidan on his hands, as well.

There was a howl of laughter, coming from Deidara, and then Hidan yelling incoherent things to him, nothing that Kakuzu could make out, his lips always moved to fast to determine lip reading or his squeaky voice that went, again, too fast when he was angry.

He turned back to his work, only to be immediately intruded on by Hidan and Deidara, fighting like nothing _he's_ seen before, which was very rare for how old he was. Hidan was carrying Deidara over his shoulders, fireman style, his hands bound together with what looked like a shirt.

Hidan hesitated, him and Deidara looking at Kakuzu, staring at them.

"Excuse us," Hidan lightly curtsied, nodding his head, and then bounding towards the door, Deidara screaming as his head was almost hit by many different wall ordainments.

"Un! Hidan—Hidan no stop! This is pointless! They were just—just shoes! You can get them anywhere! _OH MY GOD!_ Hidan, Hidan, Hidan, Hidan, _STOP!_" he squealed, "_DANNA, SAVE ME!_"

Hidan laughed triumphantly, "Don't think you're getting saved by that sex toy _now,_ you little bi…" his voice drifted away, out the door.

Kakuzu was totally confused. 10 minutes ago, Hidan was painting the bomber's _toenails_ and now he's trying to throw him into space like _Team Rocket?_

Team Rocket… toenail… Team Toenail?

Kakuzu shook his head and went back to work on his bills and forms; Pokemon may have been his favorite TV show in his _80's_, but not now in his 90's, he was way more mature than that.

All of a sudden the house shook—the bomber must've blown Hidan to bits. That would at _least_ keep him out of his hair until he took one step out that door. But no, Hidan came roaring in, no clothes on (which then the money joke would've suited this moment more than before, Hidan noted), screaming.

"Deidara stripped me and set _all my clothes on fire!_" Hidan roared, pointing toward the blonde, stumbling in, cackling with laughter that sounded more like The Joker than the girlish terrorist he knew oh-so well.

"Oh—oh, Hidan! Un!" Deidara sat down on the floor, "I'm sorry about the shoes, but _that_ was priceless!" he fell back, laughing again.

Hidan had a hand on his hip, and then he faced Kakuzu, "Gimme your fucking shirt," he snapped, holding out his hand.

"What?"

"_You're not deaf!_ I said give me your fucking shirt!" Kakuzu grumbled as he slipped out of his shirt and handed it to Hidan. He slipped into it and then leaned down and pecked Kakuzu on the cheek, "Thank you, Kuzu…" he whispered something that Deidara couldn't catch, into Kakuzu's ear, which made the man's mood seem to rise. Hidan patted his cheek lightly, "Hm? Sound good?...Good," he stood up, looking at Deidara.

"What, un?" Deidara said with a bitter tone, just like before.

"Why aren't you gone yet?" Hidan waved his hand toward the door.

"Why would I have to be gone? Un."

"Because, you need the _biggest distance _between us if you really expect to_ live_ after this!" Hidan roared, looking ready to tackle the blonde and rip him to shreds.

Deidara started to scramble up, Hidan following after him like a fangirl to a bishie, "_Run, _you whore, _run!_" he cackled manically, watching as Deidara's hair flew back, he was running so fast.

All of a sudden the blonde jumped, and his feet hit the ceiling, running on that instead. Chakra control something _he _could handle, but Hidan had trouble with it. He grabbed the nearest picture frame (it had the _only_ signed picture of all 8 Pein's on it! Oh noes!) and whipped it at Deidara, hitting his lower leg and making him stumble and fall to the hallway floor.

Hidan lunged for the man, but only landed where Deidara was, the blonde already up and darting away for his life, "Get back here!"

"This is _madness, un!_" Deidara screamed.

"I _liked _that movie, _thanks!_" Hidan got up and herded Deidara into the living room, a very enclosed area where everyone sat on the couch and watched their movies.

"_Not_ like that, you idiot! Un!" he backed up, bracing himself against the television. A small smirk plated his lips when Hidan got close, making their bodies fit together in the most awkward way with Kakuzu's shirt barely covering his body.

"…I still liked that movie," Hidan purred, "It taught me something…"

"What? Exuberant high-fives to the women and open tongue kisses to the men? Un…" Deidara chuckled, lustrously arching his back against Hidan.

"Oh, but I don't know _what_ you are, Dei, I don't think hips are _supposed_ to move like that at all…" he leaned a little further down, close to filling the gap between their heights.

"Un, Hidan, stop making fun of me," he pulled Hidan into a kiss that lasted between the two for about a minute, before both of them were almost blue in the face from not breathing.

"I hate you, Deidara…" Hidan said with a smirk.

"Hate you… too, Hidan," Deidara was panting, tired out from the chase.

Hidan pulled away, having promised Kakuzu something to do after he was done with Dei, in his bedroom. He entered the kitchen with a certain sway to his hips. He leaned on the table, looking at Kakuzu.

"And you call _him_ the whore," Kakuzu got up and lead Hidan into his room with the lightest of nudges.

"Shut up! Bitch!" Hidan whined, closing the door.

--

**A/N: **This was so fun. XD I was searching dA at the same time so I got so many ideas. lol. The "Meet the Spartains" wasn't supposed to be there until I saw this one thing, which was the whole Akatsuki (besides Kakuzu, Kakuzu was a sign that said "I'm not wearing those stupid costumes!", but I was hoping SO MUCH) and I couldn't help but think that... all of them shouldn't have ABS LIKE THAT. XD

Who should?

Kakuzu.

And him alone.


End file.
